Does anyone even like me

Thinking back on the situations it only ever seems to happen when I myself dont enjoy the particular group I am trying to be a part of. What are the rules? This is me to a T. If I ever go to a party, its cause I invited myself.

Noone tries to talk to me, seems its always me that has to make the attempt to talk to people. I know I am shy but I push myself out there. I see people avoid me. Even my own brother, hugs me when he does see me but we bought a house almost a year ago and he hasnt even seen it yet, even though hes been right up the road. My Mom is a mile away and has only been here maybe 4 times.

So much of this article explained the inner thoughts. Sexually molested as a young girl, Emotionally and physically abused also. Everybody was busy, so nobody came. I ended up feeling worse about myself in the end. Kinda proved that inner voice right that no one liked me. My shrink says I need to go out and find nice people. I keep asking her how. I seem to have bad luck with it and just keep getting hurt.

I feel the exact same way. I smile at everyone and I go into situations feeling positive and confident- not overly- yet no one includes me in anything. I need to start being a jerk in order to dazzle people and leave some sort of lasting impression. What you wrote is almost exactly how I feel too! I am certainly not perfect, but I perceive myself as a genuine, courteous, kind, generous person with a healthy sense of humor.

I love to laugh with others not at others. I also perceive that most of the time when I attempt to interact with a group of people that I am always the one no one cares to listen too.

I am careful not to dominate but if I speak even three words, someone will always interrupt me and it is as if I am just a ghost nobody notices.

But I have tried being obnoxious to see if that would get me heard at least…but the reaction from the group when I do that is someone calls me out to put me in my place and I end up humiliated.

Then feel really stupid for acting obnoxious against my nature. When I simply raise my voice to be heard I feel that people are looking at me like I am some kind of freak. What about if you are really lonely and it is not only a state of mind? There are a lot of people around me and I can get them like me if I want to.

Oh I do relate to you , we try but would like to be heard too. I hear you! I am the same way. I always go out of my way to be helpful, considerate to others. I feel that is is very easy for people to abuse this strength of ours. Cause that is how I see it, a curse, and a strength at the same time. I am currently in a rough situation after coming out of a 12yr relationship that left me completely drained and empty. Any contact that I have with them is because I initiate it.

It makes me feel even more unloved. It makes me incredibly said that the only emotional outlet available to me, is one that I need to pay for You are understood, at least, by me. Lounik, try to get away from having to lie. Remember that humans used to live in groups of or less—Imagine how few people of our age group there used to be! Now we at least have internet so you can discuss your interest in a group or something.

Unfortunately it seems that the more you give to a loved one the more they take, the less you ask for the less they give to you. I know exactly how this feels. My band is Annie and My whole life I felt that there was something seriously wrong with me that everybody knew about but know one talks about. I was never popular but had some friends.

I did sports and piano too. In my team no girls ever talk to me, I was very lonely so I quit. I moved to US when I was I finished my BS in biology and got into pharmacy school and got my doctorate degree there. People sitting next to my ask about medications from someone else and ignoring me as a drug expert.

Recently our friend finish her nursing degree which is only 2 year program and all of the sudden everybody listens to her advise and completely ignoring me. Sometimes it brings a teat to my eyes. I know and feel very competent and my decisions always been excellent in my career but somehow people just ignore me. I always have negative thoughts and visions and always imagine the worse. I have been devolved for 6 years and no one asked me out.

People sometimes think me and my 13 year old daughter ate sisters. I try to read and educate myself, increase my self esteem, be positive but nothing changes in my life. I cry sometimes because I feel very very lonely insight. I try very hard to please everybody all the time. I take my parents and my daughter to Europe every year for vacation, I put my daughter to private school since she was pre-schooler , I try to surprise my family with nice gifts but inside I feel very empty.

There is nothing in my life that gives me back something. My parents do their best for me, help me with my daughter and give me love but I still feel very empty.

I think not being able to meet any guy who would show an interest in my really bothers me a lot. When I go to parties or professional mixers I stay completely invisible. I already tried auto suggestion that I am pretty and smart and well deserved but the reality shows me something very different. Annie, My heart breaks for you as I read your words. I was struck by the eighteenth sentence you wrote above — if that is true, you might be interested in this article about the scientifically-supported study of positive emotions and thought, and your power over creating them.

Good luck and much love. Please know that you DO make a difference in this world…. I just recently moved away from home and started college. It is the end of my first semester away at college and I feel very very lonely, anxious, and depressed. Being in a whole new surrounding with new people makes me anxious and also makes me realize that I have had this inner voice my whole life.

I would say that your greatness is hard for the average person to be around, and, although unintentional, you surface their deepest insecurities. When they compare themselves to you, they feel bad about themselves, which makes you feel bad about yourself. Makes sense? Thank you for your kinds thought however I am afraid those are not true.

I have tried every kind of literature and outogussestion but I feel nothing is helping me how I feel. Again, I would like to thank you for your thoughts and hope one day I will figure out what is wrong with me. Accepting yourself as normal human who like to be part of human community, there is no shame in showing interests, even when it misfires.

You know the nerdy king, the engineers and computer scientists. There are lots of people who gravitate toward each other for reasons that may be mysterious even to themselves. Lastly, check out with a psychologist if you can afford it for a few hundred bucks, if it really bothers you why you are seen invisible. I really appreciate your advise and recommendations. I think you are absolutely right about me trying hard.

I try hard meeting people, I try hard pleasing people. Thanks again. You may look so confident that people are afraid to approach you. Could this be the case? Annie: I was you. You must dedicate your life to change. Inner work comes first. You are not the opinions of others. Happiness is mostly a choice. There are endless battles to be fought, and many people quit after just losing one. Persistence is key. You can reprogram habits and better perspectives into your mind within several months.

When I had enough, and dedicated every single moment, right now, to being in control of my thoughts and emotions, I started seeing real results. My depression and social anxiety is normal now. I am much healthier in ever aspect because I do the work to get that health.. I welcome challenges. I found peace and self-love.. I am still invisible. I never fit in with those people anyway. But I am a human like everyone else, and although introverted, I do enjoy the company of others at times.

That is normal. So I understand the frustration. Human beings get really out of whack when it comes to seeking social worth, but in the end, as valuable as it can be, it is still an illusion.

You decide your worth. You must learn to be a warrior of life and enjoy it, and you can, but you have to dig deep down and do a lot of introspection. Sounds like you put a lot of your worth into the opinions of your parents, comparing yourself to your brother, and mixed with a lot of real or delusion when it comes to the opinions of others.

Understand deep in your soul: you are not the opinions of others. Put on a happy song, think back to one of your happier times.. Use it every day for the rest of your life. Thank you so much John! I deeply appreciate your thoughts and it made a lots of sense to me. Thanks again! The hole in your life might be filled with His love. I love the Lord. Amen Mike! God Bless you for saying that. I feel that everyone I am around family included tries to bring me down.

I have constant hate from my family. They call me lazy, selfish, etc. You are not the opinions of others, even your parents. I really relate to it. But I just dont know how to keep that momentum going once it starts to work. Eventually my mood just shifts and throws me off track, and i spiral down again. I feel like people tend to seek friendship with other who have a crowd around them.

My loneliness is working against my chances finding friends. Oh hi Fred , I understand , it really sucks hey , really hurts. Makes it easier to tell the truth of how things are not so good for us , instead of pretending. Thanks again for your touching post , Kim. Im actually surprised how many people feel the way i do. Once in a while i feel good for no reason, and i just accept it and savor those moments. I look forward to reading more and learning how to silence the negative self hatred.

Remember how people at school would gather around a victim and bully them? How everyone snubbed the unfortunate person because it was uncool to befriend them? Well these same people grew up to become the adults of today.

They carried the same nagative values into adult life, the same mental idea that it is okay to tread on other people to remain popular, to reach the top — and that is exactly where they are!

I was one of those victims. Take a step back and consider modern behaviour in adults today: A spoiled generation who care little about everything from environmental destruction to the well-being of their own children.

A throw-away age that also includes people. In fact, I think they should change. No man wants to stay with me, despite all my efforts. They seem to b crazy about me and then all of a sudden..

The wicked thought am going to die lonely and afraid keeps reoccurring!! This article does an admirably accurate job describing how awful this experience feels emotionally. To me, this makes a lot more organic sense than doing battle with ourselves. Most of us have had enough of that— and these aspects are trying to help us, not hurt us. My mother died 3 years ago and I have no contact with my father. I have very few friends and am becoming so lonely I just wish life would hurry up and end.

I work full time and even though my manager and team mates always praise me I feel excluded and different and the more lonely I become the more difficult I find it to talk to people. I spend most weekends alone in the house.

I have borderline personality disorder and the voice has completely taken over. It keeps me inside a lot of the time and I have no opportunities to make friends.

Hope you get to come and read this. Hope you and the baby is going well. What caught my attention most about your comment is when you talk about losing your personality because I have been there.

I suffer from loneliness as well but feel that I am getting better over the years. I am getting much better but still battle with these emotions and feel that God Is showing me that I will never truly find happiness trying to relate to people. I have lived by myself twice and which people and in all my cases this feeling of loneliness never died. Now I am about to live on my own again and I am prepping myself to deal with the thoughts of loneliness that I know that I will feel.

Just recently after all these years of my father not being in my life I just found out that he committed suicide a couple of years back and it has also made me deal with myself a lot because many years of negative through will take you to a very bad place.

I refuses to let the devil get in that much and it will always start with people. While I do believe that we can find truly loving worth while people and connections in life it can take a life time and depends on the quality of selection. I am still healing and moving foward and still a lot if defeating thoughts of not being liked or feeling alone but I do put more effect of talking myself off of the ledge. I do have a partner but I am not always happy with the attention or quality time that I am getting and still contemplate about letting the relationship go.

My of these concepts of live and connecting with people that we learn are illusions that turn into delusions over all it is about balance. I have had the same experiences in life. At work people will talk about going to happy hour right in front of me and never invite me! Right now my boss only included my coworker in meetings, planning, and we do the same exact job.

I recently found out that I am on the autism spectrum, high functioning, what used to be called asberger syndrome. I have a heck of a time connecting with people.

I too noticed that some people who no one likes because of bad behavior are included. I think it is because while they r annoying, they are real, alive, and connecting with others. Knowing there is a reason for my angst has helped. Wow…and I thought I was possesed or that I had a sign on my back that warned others to stay away from me! Well I feel better now knowing that all you good and sensitive people are senceing what I am. For years I have made myself available for errands and household repairs only to discover that my suspicions were correct..

I WAS being snubbed. So I discovered that my inner self respect was being replaced by an inner being that was insecure and lonely. Make no mistake…there are really mean people in this world that can really mess with your head, and these types travel in groups. My so-called girlfriend must be really insecure if she must team up with her control freak siblings in badmouthing me behind my back. It hurt…a lot. For what its worth…Try with all your loving might to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you and respects you…that person is first and foremost YOU.

I doubted myself and really believed that I was less valuable than those around me. I cried. I withdrew. My mind went to dark and self destructive places. As a Christian I prayed but I could not feel better about being me. Slowly the haze started to clear as I learned to not feel responsible for the captious comments of others. What I do now is consider the source of my hurt feelings.

I am responsible for alot of them but not all, and I am careful of what I take serious when I hear vicious rumors. Thanks for sharing…You are all in my prayers. Jane…you are an awesome person! Hugs and God Bless You! No one wants me around including my wife of 25 yrs.

And many of us Good men really Hate being Single too. I m pursuing degree course i dnt like to meet relatives. It make me feel they will ask questions or what they want. I feel so i think because i m nt beautiful nt yet got a degree i older than my freinds. It makes me feel so much better to see that so many other good people have had similar experiences. I do want to throw in that if you are friendly and nice and positive and people still seem to avoid inviting you in, it may be the very fact that you feel you need so much for them to like you.

People sense that and they may become afraid, consciously or not, that if they give you reassurance you will cling to them and demand more and more, which is very daunting if they are already having to work hard to maintain their own confidence. Then all will be attracted to you! I am so apparently UGLY that those men not only felt the need to laugh at me whilst looking at me, but point at me too whilst saying nasty, hurtful things.

Makeup is my mask. If only I were even slightly pretty, maybe then I could start to get close to someone to stand the chance of them seeing me for me. Faye, I have felt attracted to women who I thought were ugly when I first met them months, days, hours before the attraction started.

I feel soo unwanted unloved and useless my husband has an OCD problem he fights with me everyday over household chores, he makes me feel like i can do nothing right. I really try to hard to be a good wife give him all the love and support. When i try show him affection he always pulls away. Because of this i feel soo lonely, unwanted and useless.

Before we were married everything was perfect he was loving and caring. I thought i have found someone that would make me feel special, loved. All my life i felt unwanted useless ugly and worthless and after being married all those feelings have crept back. We argue all the time its physically draining. I am kidding myself thinking our marriage can be salvaged?

I feel so isolated. Your relationship sounds alot like the last one I was in. Your husband is abusive. No one should have to fight all the time. When you feel like you never do anything right. He is gaslighting you. Please read about it,find a support group and get out. Sarah is right…this sounds like an abusive relationship. Look up Passive-Aggressive. Please go do research, find out about the cycle of abuse and abuse techniques of the narcissist. Its all a trick.

Its all designed to control and manipulate u, even the love and promises of forevermore. I lost everything to a marriage like this including my loved ones, my health, my mind, and my ability to work. U have to read up on this, watch YouTube videos, educate yourself because this is almost certainly what you are experiencing.

They will not get better. They will get worse. Get educated and get out. A lot of what I have read in the lead article I can definitely relate to, the self-doubt and circumstances under which it arises. I decided to keep quiet. In short, I had and still am, a loner. I suppose I will always be as I am, maybe the feeling I have about myself are ingrained just too deep. Its hard to be liked. I try to put myself to be outgoing and coolish but i feel likei get hurt and treated badly so i hide.

My mom, dad, with the rest of my family dont like me its all pretend happy when they see me but they all hate me even at work im not noticed. Im only noticed when someone tries to use me which is sad depressing. I really am not sure what to do next. I moved back home after a long term illness and on top of it all I was attacked and put into a coma for about 6 weeks. This got really bad to the point where I was even violently attacked. The only thing I ever wanted was to be left alone.

Before I got better from my sickness I decided to start working from home and before I knew I was in my own office and growing a business. I knew that the next attack would be from my own family. Because apart from the people who work for me, there are no other humans who I come into contact with.

I have just discovered that my own mother has been spreading the vilest rumors about me.. My parents were abusive when I was a child. My father was the physical one while she would just use mental abuse. It is like the more successful I am in my business the harder she has tried to break me mentally.

And usually she uses my business as a target for her attacks.. Which is ridiculous as she knows nothing about it. Kinda like the cleaning lady telling the MD that his or her company is a failure. I think she wishes that it would fail. She has gone out of the country and has been phoning me to taunt and laugh at me over the Christmas and New Year.

And when I called her back to ask her not to call me again she pretended to not know what I was talking about. Which is specifically her problem. You cannot resolve anything with someone who refuses to talk to you. So she has clearly been trying to cultivate an abusive relationship towards me, while creating an impression to others that I have been abusive towards her.

I guess my long term nighbours would know better as they listened to a lot of what I had to go through. What do I do about the neighbors as well as her? And what is going on here?

Does anyone see a pattern? Get away from these sick crazy people. Going to church and trying to please God is the only person I try to please. I got on this site Bc my granddaughter is going through a hard time at school at the age of But I tell her love God love your self. The one person that helps me all the time is Dr Carolina leaf look her up on you tube she really has help me so much!

I have also learn to forgive fast…. You sound like a great , loving person! God blessed. Has anyone thought if everyone here became friends how many friends we would all have! Just saying.. I was thinking the same thing Lou! I may do it today as reading all the comments has been powerfully insightful and helpful and tear-jerking and heart-warming!

And it seems like you have no answer for me, just like everyone else. It is so much like how i feel but alittle wore. Yes it does. Life is so hard right now! This article described my problems perfectly I feel Alot better now..

Im gonna try and fight this inner voice , i know its gonna be hard. I completely agree with you this article is great! Fight your inner voices! You can do it! Lovely article. I have never had a friend. I take that back. One for a free babysitter, and one so they could get gas money from me. Sometimes no one likes someone. I want a girlfriend. The women who are just like me in personality type want a white guy with a big beard and tattoos. I suggest you move to where there is a critical mass of white hipster people, like Portland, and start hanging out at the places that appeal to you.

I used to live there and I know there are plenty of women of all colors who would date a black guy with your tastes. Hot, and fun. On the other hand, Brooklyn has the same scene, but people tend to hang out in their own racial groups in NYC.

A gross generalization I know, but I used to live there too. Now I live back in Oregon, and a friend of mine, a black guy, just uploaded a playlist of Pink Floyd and punk rock to the cloud for his students. Haha, what? Turns out, it happens. This article touched briefly on how I feel. The loneliness and worthlessness I feel, is all my own doing; I let myself get this way.

I avoid mirrors as much as possible and rarely go out without make-up on because of my acne. One thing i understood no one can change their destiny. You just cant make others care for you and like you or love you unconditionally from heart…you may be most brightest generous charming successful but you cant make others like you…being liked and loved is a gift ,it cant be achieved.

And what about many of us good men that are still single that really wanted a wife and family too? My Parents are dead , my brothers are dead , my partner is dead. I have no children. All my extended family are dead apart from a few distant cousins who are strangers. I am only 48 but entirely left alone. Drifted from old friends. Completely alone. I have a roof over my head until the unemployment benefits run out.

Hey, I was tired too! Even in bed! My little kids are the same way. I now realize all of these events have one thing in common…me. So, I choose to avoid them so as to not upset them.

Like so many of you, I too have always struggled to make and keep friends. As a child, I was always left out but really, really wished other kids would like me. As a child I was severely bullied throughout all of my school years, even by some teachers who seemed to take pleasure in humiliating me and was often mentally and emotionally abused by my mother who hated men, and a father that had very little to do with his son.

I lived this way for many years sometimes using pot and alcohol to numb my pain. Finally out of desperation I turned to the mental health field for help, which took a lot of courage on my part, but it was no help at all. The best I can hope for is getting on social security disability; I have a hearing in front of a judge next month. Someone else mentioned in one of the responses being an empath and I think I do have many of those qualities.

If you do turn to the mental health system for that help they will just further alienate you with mental health labels, medications that cause horrible side effects, and treating you at a distance with strict boundaries and callousness. Before I give you a few tips on silencing that inner critic, I want you to know that there is no one in the world that "everyone likes".

It simply isn't realistic. No one likes everyone, so those expectations you have placed on yourself are just not cool. There is a big difference between what you think and what you feel. Getting your thoughts straight really matters when it comes to mind management. When you understand that you are in control of your thoughts, you can then become in control of your feelings.

A thought that says "no one likes me" is a thought that is not only negative, but also clearly not true. It simply cannot be that there are four billion people on the planet and no one likes you. Get my drift? So, it would be a great idea if you could look at your thoughts more factually. Asking yourself questions that start to promote a more truthful and realistic thought process.

Again, I am going to say that you "think" it is hard to make friends — not because it is true, but because you think it is. If you think it is hard to make friends, it will be. If you think that you could try to just make one friend by the end of the month, it gets easier…. Now, I want to help you understand, and then politely tell this inner critic where to go. Find people who want to go where you're going. They'll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.

People make mistakes. Employees don't meet your expectations. Vendors don't deliver on time. But you're also to blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough training. Maybe you didn't build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon. Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn't masochistic; it's empowering, because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.

No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all "things. Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship. Genuine relationships make you happier, and you'll form genuine relationships only when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.

When you're afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn't particularly good for you. An absence of fear or insecurity isn't happiness: It's just an absence of fear or insecurity. Holding on to what you think you need won't make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will. Even if you don't succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself. Interrupting isn't just rude.

When you interrupt someone, what you're really saying is, "I'm not listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to you so I can decide what I want to say. Want people to like you?

Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say. Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better. If something is wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you'll have to do that.

So why waste time? Fix it now.